I was hoping that I'd TiVoed it off a channel that conveniently bleeped out any cuss words. No such luck. And now the kids know one more word they aren't allowed to say, unless they're reading from the King James Version of the Bible about a donkey.
We all also agreed that little Kevin needed his mouth washed out with some liquid hand soap for the way he spoke to his mother near the beginning of the movie. Probably needed a spanking, too, just for good measure.
My favorite parts of the movie?
Marv, on ice.
And Harry, also on ice.
Silly robbers. I can't help it. I crack up every time I see it.
About 12 hours after watching the movie, I wondered if my neighbors got to see me re-enact those scenes as I walked down our front steps to get the newspaper.
Bruce had just pulled his truck around the corner, off our street, and I was down about three steps and the thought hit me, "Oh, good. It didn't get as cold last night as I thought it would. No ice, just water on these steps." I had even tested those first few stairs.
And then I hit an ice patch.
Did you know that the scenes on TV go by way faster when you watch them than if you live them? I felt like everything was in slow motion when I was air borne.
I wondered to myself, "How bad is this going to hurt when I land? At least our steps are wood and not concrete. Am I going to have to call Bruce to come back here and peel me off the ground? Am I going to break a bone for the first time in my life?"
Then I landed. And it hurt. I stayed down, but curled up into a sitting position so I could assess how damaged I was. I realized my pants were getting soaked because I was sitting in a puddle of water. Yes, water. Why my feet couldn't have stepped only on the wet parts of the stairs and not find the one ice patch I don't know.
And then I stood up. I rubbed my head to make sure the knot I felt on it didn't include a gash or blood. It didn't.
So I went on to the get the newspaper and found that I felt fine.
But within 30 minutes, I started noticing aches in various places. My pinkie finger must have caught on something when I ineffectively reached out to the railing to catch myself. I've got a nice swollen area on the left side in the middle of my back. And I have a stripe where a step smacked across my whole upper back near my "wings" (you know where... your ribs on the back that stick out like wings if you contort just right.).
I'm not overly surprised that my head doesn't hurt at all. It's no secret that I'm hard-headed.
After dropping the kids off, I called Bruce to tell him about my adventures in flying. I made some comment about now realizing how quickly it happens that older folks fall and break a hip.
And he told me that I should be more careful, considering my age.
He thinks he's funny like that.
He's right about that age thing though. I am too old to be attempting flight via self propulsion.
I'm going to take an Advil now.
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