Third Grade Tales

Today, Clay came home from school and asked about a word that sent us straight to the dictionary. But not because I didn't know what it meant.

Guess the word. Here's the definition:

1. n. female dog; female fox, wolf, or otter; derog. sly or spiteful woman; sl. unpleasant or difficult thing. 2. v. grumble; be spiteful or unfair to.

Evidently, Clay was singing the lyrics to a song on a show that my kids don't watch. But he'd heard another kid singing it, so he copied. The words said something about a "beach," but another kid thought Clay was saying a different word.

What to do?

To take away the mystique of the word, we just opened the cover of my old pocket Oxford dictionary. Who knew the "b" word could apply to a female fox, wolf or otter? I didn't.

I told Clay the only acceptable way to use that word would be in talking about our dog, Dixie. But because the original word has been so polluted, he can't even use it that way.

See, this is where one thing works great for one kid, but won't stand a chance with another kid. Even if the kids are raised by the same parents, in the same household.

Clay will file away that tidbit, and I probably won't hear it again. (I say "probably" because I don't expect perfection from my kids. I try to be realistic. Even if I don't want to be.)

Spencer, on the other hand, won't even get the benefit of an explanation of the meaning. We tried that once in explaining that holding up one's middle finger is not nice. And then I saw him shoot me the bird after I scolded him for something.

Different kids. Totally.

On another topic, all three of our kids have field trips coming up. Spencer and Allison are going to a local high school production of The Wizard of Oz. Parents have not been invited to chaperon. Frankly, I pity the kindergarten teachers. They just aren't paid well enough.

Clay's grade is going to a science museum about an hour and a half away. It's in a town that we visit regularly as a family.

But the trip is leaving about 15 minutes before my younger two can be left at school. And it returns about a half hour later than they get off the bus. I had it worked out with my neighbor, who was willing to let my two get off the bus in the afternoon with her daughter, who is next to gold in their eyes.

And then Bruce "suggested" I let Clay do this field trip without me as a chaperon.

I hate it when he does that. I didn't even ask his opinion.

I think I've only missed one of Clay's field trips. Ever. As far back as preschool.

Right now that town seems way further away than an hour and a half. Do you have any idea all the "what ifs" that are going through my head? (I blame it partially on all the Without a Trace episodes I've seen. But mostly I just think people are bad to the core. Unless they've got Jesus. And sometimes even then.)

Fine. I'll honor Bruce's request. But I'm probably going to drive Clay nuts between now and then.

"Don't ever get separated from your group. Even if you have to pee. Tell your teacher or a parent chaperon before you go to the bathroom. And for pity's sake, don't go pee by yourself. Take a friend."

"Have a buddy. Stick together. Even if he gets on your nerves during the day. Just deal with it."

"Don't talk to any strangers. At all. Ever. Even if they talk to you first. Don't even smile at them. So what if they think you are unfriendly? They're strangers. You'll never see them again."

This mom stuff is hard.

I asked Bruce if it bothered him at all that this field trip is further away than all the others have been.

He really gets on my nerves sometimes. He's not one bit perturbed. What is wrong with him? He watches the same junk I watch on T.V.

Bruce is simply God's way of smiling down on my children. Because they don't have two parents as freakish as their momma.

Still, I make no apologies. God knew me, and still He made me a mom. You can't argue with God's insight.