Making the Grade

Report cards came home the other day.

Clay walked in the front door, arms raised like Rocky after a victorious fight.

"Mom, I did it! I finally got a 1 on self control!"

And that was enough to make me lose all self control. We danced like crazy around the kitchen.

Clay has struggled since first grade with self control (in regards to talking in class when it isn't his time to talk). This was his best report card ever. He always does well academically, but that self control thing has dogged him for too long. Finally, he got it licked.

Now we need to move that success to the home front. If you ever have been around all three of my kids at the same time, you know my boys talk non-stop while poor Allison watches from the sideline, head bouncing back and forth between the boys like she's watching a tennis match. She does not get equal talking time.

So it's no surprise that on Spencer's first report card, he got a 3 on self control (again, in regards to talking out of turn in class). Academically, he's as sharp as a tack. Behaviorally... the report card just made me so grateful that we held both twins back last year and started them in kindergarten this year. I shudder to think of the feedback we would have gotten a year ago at this time.

Spencer's report card had me feeling completely beat down as a parent. Not one thing on that report card was news to me. As parents, Bruce and I are not blind; we see issues at home. We aren't dunking our heads in the sand; we know our kids very well, good and bad.

But it's painful to see it in writing.

I tucked the kids in bed. Bruce wasn't home yet. And I started bawling. And praying. Lots of praying.

My mother-in-law gives cash for good report cards. It has been wonderful incentive for Clay in the past few years, and he has been talking it up to my other little money grubbers ever since they started kindergarten. (They didn't get report cards for the first six weeks. We had parent/teacher conferences instead. This is the first time Spencer and Allison have brought home report cards.)

It hit me hard that I'm not sure I would give Spencer any money for what he brought home. I am so torn.

I know this is just kindergarten, and there are years of growth ahead. I also know that there is a discrepancy between Spencer and Allison's report cards, even academically, partly because of the different styles of their teachers.

(Please don't tell me that grading is completely objective. I won't buy it any more than you would buy me telling you that reporters are objective. I know how things are supposed to be, but who we are rubs off in what we do. And I don't have a problem with that, as long as I go in with that expectation and understanding, which I do. I've said it before and I'll say it again, all three women teaching my three kids are God's blessings to us. Each one is perfect for each kid they are matched with.)

Allison's report card shows that she is a better student academically than Spencer. But when I sit them side-by-side at home, he is a more proficient reader than she is. He is also more mathematically intuitive than she is.

However, in a classroom setting, she is a teacher's dream, and he can be more of a challenge.

Still, despite the fact that his report card is good on the academics, the reason I'm not sure I'd reward him financially is in an effort to be consistent with what we've always taught Clay, which is this:

Being smart is not enough. With some effort, anybody can get good grades (putting learning disabilities aside; I'm thinking of your average kid.). But being well behaved is to be more desired. It's harder to achieve, but will serve you far better in life than good grades will.

(This is ingrained in me. When I looked for a husband, I wasn't looking for the smartest man I could find, although Bruce does not fall far from that mark. I always wanted to marry a hard worker. Because a smart, but lazy man wasn't going to provide for me and a family, in my mind, as well as a less-educated, but diligent worker. I'm just blessed that Bruce is both smart and hard-working.)

BUT, behavior quirks aside, Spencer loves school. And he loves his teacher. And by not providing him with some sort of reward for his eagerness to learn, I'm afraid we'll squelch it. Especially in light of the fact that the other two will be seeing some greenbacks.

So here's how I'm going to handle this quandary. I'm putting it in the hands of my mother-in-law, who shells out all the moolah.

I'm not simply passing the buck (no pun intended).

I am taking the godly advice of one of my favorite Bible authors, James, who wrote, "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says."

This past week in Bible Study Fellowship, we studied Exodus 18. Moses' father-in-law Jethro gave him some advice that essentially allowed Moses to better serve God in his main task while delegating more minor tasks to others. It was good advice because it gave others an opportunity to serve God in their own capacity. It also appeased the Israelites, because they didn't have to wait as long to get their gripes settled... and those Israelites sure griped and grumbled a lot.

Thanks to my Lord, Bruce and I are not alone in this parenting thing. However, I can't say that I'm always as gracious about accepting advice from my in-laws as Moses was in taking Jethro's suggestion. Even when the advice is good, and godly, which it almost always is (my in-laws have been around the Christian block a few times. They've got some wisdom. I tell Bruce sometimes that I married him partly to have his parents as in-laws. After all, picking a spouse can't be all about cuteness, brains and the ability to work hard.)

And as a personal little poke, God pointed out to me that Jethro's advice was unsolicited. Moses did not go to his father-in-law looking for help. Jethro just piped up and said, "What you are doing is not good." I am particularly bad about accepting help when it is not sought.

I've been worked over pretty good this week. A double whammy. Spencer and God.

But, like kindergarten, there are years of growth ahead for me, too.