How Much?

I grapple with understanding God's love.

Because I'm pretty stinkin' unlovable sometimes.

I know that Jesus is the only reason God can even stand to look at me.

I love this song by Mandisa called "How Much".



The best days I've ever had?

The day I got on my knees in my bedroom, alone, and asked God to fix my mess, to forgive me and to help me live.

The day I married Bruce, who is still my best friend. Even thought he knows me better today than he did on that day.

The day Clay was born and they handed me that squalling, nearly nine-pound boy with the blue eyes. I thought he was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

The day Spencer was born, kicking and screaming and mad as a hornet, and Allison followed 15 minutes later, blue and not kicking or screaming. But through God's grace she rebounded by the time our pediatrician arrived to check out our little "baby in distress".

All those days rolled into one... and God loves me more.

I grapple with how He does that.

It's incomprehensible.

Then again, He's God. And I don't have to understand it all. I just have to believe it.

And I do.